Way to break my heart, kid!

As he screamed and clung to my neck for dear life, I wrestled with him to sit in his car seat! (Why? Why is he acting this way? This isn't typical!?) Kicking, pulling, pushing and twisting until he was standing in the seat, backwards, and then falling over the side into the backseat. (Holy crap! Why?)

C: "Da boo ja!"

Me: Bubba, I know. I'm sorry, but Mommy has to go to work. We said "bye bye" to doggie and now it's time to go to daycare and have breakfast. Do you want breakfast?

C: "Ja ma dabo!"

Me: What? Hunny, I love you, but I have to go to work today.

C: *cries, kicks, reaches*

As I finally strapped him into the seat, his crocodile tears were streaming down his face and neck. As he covered his mouth and looked at me. I know he was thinking, "How could you put me in here? I just want to hang with you outside with the "dawie!" Looking into his eyes, I saw my own sense of any confidence I had as a Mother, shatter into a million pieces. (Don't worry, I'll regain control soon and know that I am in fact a great Mom and the perfect Mother for C. But seriously, those moments are rough!)

I broke his heart for making him get in the car seat. Although he quickly recovered and was chatting and smiling as I walked him into daycare, my morning was ruined. My day, to be honest, was shot. I wanted so badly to stay home, go to a park and be able to experience "baby and me" yoga class while dreaming of sharing a cupcake under a shade tree.  (When in reality we both know he play and then skip a nap and be a #hotmess for the entirety of the afternoon!) But, today is Wednesday and I needed to go to work and he needed to go to daycare.

Before you judge a working Mom, take a minute to step into her shoes. #carryon

Do The Hustle

Ah, the dream. The one thing you want more than anything. The beginning of your day mantra. The last thing on your mind before you fall asleep. You know what yours is. Isn't it grand? You can see all the details laid out in perfect harmony. (I bet even those cute little bluebirds are singing you a tune!) Every moment is perfect and there is always some big, bright light leading the way.

Hello!? Yes, its Monday and it's back to reality. The daily grind. (This morning I stopped for an almond milk latte and the espresso machine just wouldn't work for the sweet barista. Ah-Monday, you lackluster lady you!) I was handed a yummy iced coffee with almond milk instead and went on about my day. Why? (Why was the machine broken? Oh, no clue) I was focused on "The Dream!" (I even saw the bluebirds following me out to my car, carrying my dress train and long flowing hair...HA! I hate long hair! Ain't nobody got time for that!) The Dream is a little closer this morning, I can feel it! #carryon #smashingit

Keep your eye on the ball. Just keep swimming. Have an alright, alright, alright Monday! Cheers!

#hashtagproblems

I totally spelled out the wrong #hashtag guys!

It wasn't a cute mistake or an embarrassing mistake, it was the kind of mistake that added fuel to an already raging fire in a strained relationship. (Ow-wee!) Where do you go from there? I have come up with 5 tips in case social media ever gets the best of you!

1. Once the error is discovered. Fix that shit in a hurry!
2. Explain the error (e. g. I was trying to save time in typing out the hashtag, read the pre-populated examples on the screen, picked one and ran with it. Repeat. I DIDN'T READ THE WHOLE DAMN HASHTAG!
3. Get super defensive and stew on it all night, send nasty responses to the person who was offended because, well, you totally e'ffd up and they won't accept said apology. (To be fair, feelings get hurt and it can't be solved right away. This isn't how human emotion works. The damage was done, now you need to wait.)
4. Get super upset-go home and bail on the fun evening plan to sleep. (Sleep is the best thing since sliced bread folks, and I don't even eat bread!)
5. Draft your text the following day carefully, try and work it out and may the force be with you!

Read what you type before you upload because it isn't real unless it's on Facebook! #proofread #deerinheadlights #drama

Hershey's Kisses

Yesterday, I ate 7 Hershey's kisses. Ooops! (Although I felt guilty, it hurt so good. #sorrynotsorry)


Yesterday, I officially became a LuLaRoe consultant along with my partner K. (#winning)


Yesterday, I gave a lot of (actual) kisses to my Cash Man, (#winning) worked the biz on my phone after I got off work and then completely ignored my Husband for most of an hour before he asked if I was planning to communicate with him at all that evening. (ouch! #notwinning)


Before you all point your judging fingers, let me remind you how busy I am. I work full-time, I'm a momma, I work out 5 times a week, (some days there are two sessions involved in a single day) and now I'll be selling LuLaRoe clothing. Now that you know that, it still doesn't change the fact that in life there are indeed specific roles you cannot neglect. (This is me, judging me! Your welcome.)

• If you are a parent, you have a responsibility to that child at all times, just not when it's simply convenient to you. Yes, I needed to feed Cash dinner AND talk business strategy yesterday evening and figure how to record a video before my Hubby came home. I was busy multi-tasking which at times totally needs to happen. Parents are better at it and if you are a parent you will nod and if you aren't, well then you just aren't a part of the club man! (Thankfully, M walked in the door at just the right time for us to record the video! #coparentwin)
• If you agreed to love another every day for the rest of your human life, then you also agreed to let them in on every aspect of your life and this does mean you need to communicate with them on 98% of things. (I don't think M needs to know all the details of my morning poop or just how much I think about Jack White. It's scary folks!)

I am very bad at communicating at times when I feel stress. I will just go on, head down and living in my own thoughts before I realize I have been silent or merely unresponsive for at least an hour. (Trust me, other times you can't shut me up so I believe it averages out.) But, it made me realize that I am not doing all of these life things alone. Why am I acting like I'm the ONLY one who can get. shit. done???


I am the only one who ate the Hershey's kisses. I'm Han Solo there. BUT, I'm not alone in life. Today, I wasn't  alone when I woke up, "Hello Cash Man and your baby gibberish!" Today I wasn't alone when I worked out. (never have been and never will be. #gymfamily) Today, I wasn't alone when I talked about LuLaRoe, others were sharing in the excitement of it all. Today I wasn't alone when I was stressed to have all the things I needed for our busy day, I had M to text. (even if that text just says, "yo!") Today I wasn't alone with Cash as we still have the privilege to visit my Grandparents every weekend and their love is whole, pure and so warm.


Life is much easier when we aren't alone. Get out of your head and realize that if you are dealing with something heavy, reach out. Talk, text, socialize. You aren't alone, but only YOU alone can eat the Hershey's kisses.


Peace, Love and Light!
Talk soon...

FRI-YAY!

It's finally Fri-YAY and I have green and grey (...am I dying????) mucus coming out of my nose after the lovely Neti Pot rinse! Yummy. Enough about me...what about you?

It's Friday so are you planning for a fun-filled weekend? (Ok, back to me! I have one of my bestie's baby showers, a kick butt concert with some FAB ladies, multiple workouts and grilling and chilling with our frands! I'm already tired!) Are you working the weekend? Let's face it, not everyone has the M-F, 8-5 corporate pulse and those of you who are working, what are you looking forward to? What are you not so jazzed about?

Either way, weekends are always buzzing with energy and plans. Make the most of it because Monday will be back before we blink and nobody likes Mondays. #amiright

Let's focus this weekend on YOU! Here is how:

• Take 5 minutes to just sit quietly and breathe. Just breathe in and out and let yourself focus on your breathe. When I commit to doing this, it totally centers me and I think clearly. I'm able to go forward and do what it is that I need to do. (Then grab a mimosa and handle your shit!)
• Wear something that makes you feel fabulous! Seriously, even if it's fancy and shit, pull it out from your closet and rock it girl! Life is too short to wear boring ass clothes. *See #shamelessbathroomselfie of me in my LuLaRoe this morning! Remember the mucus? I needed to feel pretty dangit!*
• Give a hug to someone you totally dig. Hug your daddy, yo momma, yo babay, yo hubby, yo wifey, your bestie or your dog! (I would say cat, but that isn't realistic. We all know this!) Just hug somebody! It will feel really good and I bet that afterwards you smile.

I hope you all have a WONDERFUL weekend. Think of me and my mucus while I need to sweat at the gym. All of you working out next to me better get the hand-sanitizer out. #sorrynotsorry

The Revival: Part 2

I knew The Revival was going to have a Part 2. The Universe listened. *Namaste*

I woke up at 5:15 this morning after sleeping hard for 9 solid, glorious hours!!! (You know that sleep where you aren't sure when or how you fell asleep because you just did and the kind where you wake up and try to figure out which lifetime, planet, or world you are in and when you try and go pee, you stumble because you have no balance? Yeah, that was me! I only got up to pee ONCE, which never happens. I digress.)

I woke up this morning at 5:15 in order to go to Hot Sculpt yoga at Vibe. Sounds sexy. It isn't. However, I'm convinced it will make you look sexy once you do it every week for months!)

Let's be real. Remember yesterday when I was a jibber jaw about physical fitness and working out? Yeah, this morning wasn't fun. I didn't mind the sweat, I love that feeling, but I was like the nerdy, awkward kid picked last for gym class-again this morning! The (amazing) teacher was correcting me at every step and I was struggling to not only keep up, but to not be embarrassed and upset by the help. #allthefeels

When I walked in to NGPT over 14 months ago, I needed help at every station, at every exercise and I was always lost. I wasn't a physically fit person and never worked out previously. All of those feelings came rushing back this morning. This whole past week and to be honest, last month, I was feeling super strong, leaner and meaner folks. I was #smashingit in my personal training sessions and I was killing my workouts once I started fueling my body instead of responding to bad cravings. This morning, I was not, in fact, #smashingit!

I walked out "dazed and confused" and not in the way Led Zeppelin had in mind. I was toast. Finished. I needed a hot shower and more sleep! But, I had work in less than an hour and I needed to start my day. Once I got some coffee, I was a wee bit more perky. As I was recalling the events this morning to my fellow colleagues, I started to figure out what exactly the Universe was trying so ardently to tell me. Stay humble my friends.

I don't always stay humble, but when I do, I try and figure out what I can do to better all that just happened. *now I want a beer. I can't have beer. oh, and it's only 12:30! eeep!* I can choose to act like I actually did know what I was doing and assume said "amazing teacher" was just a bit harsh this morning OR I could face the truth and know that I am still learning, still growing and still getting stronger.

The list of things to improve:

1. My eye-roll that I know happened. I'm sorry. That was immature and weak of me.
2. Work on sitting up straight, ironing out my spine and fixing my already bad posture!
3. My yoga poses. I need to learn the basic shit people! 
4. Figure out how I can teach others what I learn, when I learn it! Share the knowledge, the love and the light! (Ok, I just went FULL hippie on you. #sorrynotsorry!) 

Carry on my friends. Stay humble today!!! (Below is pre-ass-kicked-jessi. You're welcome.)

The Revival: Part 1

At 6:15AM on Tuesday, January 13, 2015 I was delivered into Motherhood and what I will come to find out was the moment of my re-birth. (*Wowza, starting out with powerful stuff folks!*)

Looking back, this was the tipping point. The event to change it all. Unlike the one ring to rule them all, a plan didn't exist. (I feel like even knowing so little about Tolkien, there was always a grand plan. Yes, I admit, I've never read the books and really don't want to watch anymore of the movies. #sorrynotsorry) I simply had no clue what I would do now that I was indeed a Mother. While I watched him cry out, it made me shake with emotion-my cupith did indeed runith over. I knew immediately how to hold him and I knew immediately I loved hard for this tiny human, but now what? What was the next step? As the doctor worked to remove my placenta and as the epidural wore off, I felt empty. Where there once was a baby, there was nothing. When I went into the hospital I was one person and when I left, I was entirely someone new.

I spent many sleepless nights and days thereafter trying to figure out what my life was now that my role so dramatically changed. Did I change? I'm sure I did, but I had no clue how to define "it." I also couldn't tell you how I changed. I would just stare at Cash for hours during the day binge watching Parenthood and chugging Diet Cokes and eating chips to stay alive. Let us also take note that I was always in pajama bottoms, an oversized t-shirt of my dear Husbands and a bathrobe. I really did shine in that time. (Oh! That was sarcasm! *Sheldon Cooper's voice*) The first part of motherhood wasn't glamorous at all for me and in fact, I was lost and it wasn't easy. Let's fast forward. (I promise you that you will like me again later. If you don't, I'm really OK with that and it's taken me 28 years to say that honestly.)

At 6 weeks postpartum I signed up at a local gym. (NGPT!!) I was so unhappy with the person who I had become and the weight I gained while pregnant on top of the current weight piling on - please note the section that I lived on Diet Coke, chips and may I add that when I had a dear friend visit me, I would request McDonald's cheeseburgers on the reg.- I had to make a change. I also hated working out. I was always of the mindset that no one actually enjoyed sweating and killing themselves to be fit. I also loved bread and pasta and potatoes. Let's fast forward again.

This morning, my little boy is now 16 months old crawled up on my lap and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. He then posed for our #selfie because, camera. I'm not the lost woman trying to become what a mother *should* be. I'm Jessi, Cash's Mother who totally rocks at being just that. What transitioned me to this point? (Maybe it's a secret club for only those who lost more hours of sleep than they can count!?) I do believe that finding my inner strength and confidence in living my life healthier and more active through being the #fitmom helped me to shed the layers of bullshit I've been covering up, hiding under for years. No more idea of what I *should* be, only what I am.

I can do 30 burpees in 1 minute and 38 seconds. My max deadlift is 185lbs and I can work out for 2 solid hours and walk out - OK, to be fair, sometimes I hobble - with a smile and tons of sweat feeling accomplished, stronger and healthier than I've ever been. Today I chopped off all my hair into a pixie cut finally (after not having the courage for years. Also BIG side note: my Hubby called me a rockstar on social media, the guy that doesn't "do" social media anymore!) and in November 2015 I started my half tattoo sleeve on my left arm because, #selfexpression and #art. I re-pierced my nose in March of this year. (See, I wasn't always lost as to who I am exactly. Again, #selfexpression) In two weeks, I'm dying all of my hair purple. Let's get to the POINT.

I no longer have the patience to wait to let myself shine. I am now the best version of myself because I was transformed into a Mother. Hear me roar! Shine on you crazy diamonds!!!!!

***Thanks for reading this very long intro. My hope is to bring real stories about motherhood, eating clean or dirty - *evil laughter* - training dirty #crushingit, being a wife, going to rad concerts with the little, toddler wearing, working and of course, the outfit of the day inspiration brought to you by LuLaRoe. Peace and Love!!***

****If you don't know what LuLaRoe is, message me. Let me introduce you to the most comfortable, affordable and funky clothes I've ever seen!****